I had a thought over the weekend. I was stopped at a streetlight and a Rolls Royce pulls up next to me. I thought to myself “man this guy has it made with his money, fancy car and good credit score.”
I then thought to myself, “having that much must suck a little bit.” Think about it! All of your friends, not to mention family, hitting you up for money all the time, you’re in a higher tax bracket, and worst of all, you don’t get the thrill of not knowing if you can make rent each month.
So I put together a list of privileges the Rich Man has and what the common New Mexican Man has.
Rich Man: Takes private jets to exotic locations around the world.
New Mexican Man: Takes his girlfriend on a hot air balloon ride but only if he has a Groupon.
Rich Man: Has extensive vocabulary.
New Mexican Man: Adds the letter ‘E’ to the beginning of his sentences. For example “E bro I didn’t know she was your girlfriend.”
Rich Man: Gets backstage passes to all the best concerts.
New Mexican Man: Has an aunt that knows Al Hurricane
Rich Man: Hunts wild animals in foreign countries.
New Mexican Man: Saw the fire dancers burn Zozobra.
Rich Man: Goes parachuting for thrill of a near death experience.
New Mexican Man: Dates girls from the South Valley.
Rich Man: Goes with his friends to gamble in Las Vegas, Nevada.
New Mexican Man: Goes to Las Vegas, New Mexico to gamble on his life.
Rich Man: Worked hard in school to get where he is today.
New Mexican Man: His dad worked for the State so he might be able to get him in.
Rich Man: Owes a Yacht.
New Mexican Man: His uncle lets him use his boat to take down to Elephant Butte for the 4th of July.
Rich Man: His whole family went to a private school.
New Mexican Man: Probably slept with the Rich Man’s sister that went to that private school.
Rich Man: Parties with models.
New Mexican Man: Parties with Modelo beer and a woman that was a paid extra on the show Breaking Bad.
Rich Man: Eats outlandish food from all over the world.
New Mexican Man: Has salsa and Cholula Sauce in the fridge.
Rich Man: Takes risky investments with high-yield dividend.
New Mexican Man: Eats red chile enchiladas while wearing a white shirt.
Rich Man: Had a high SAT score that helped him get into a prestigious college.
New Mexican Man: Has the highest Breathalyzer score of his friends.
Rich Man: Knows how to play Beethoven’s 5th Symphony on a piano.
New Mexican Man: Still knows the theme song to the Dukes baseball team.
Rich Man: Joined an elite secret fraternity to have lifelong friends and help build up his resume after he graduates.
New Mexican Man: Passed out wasted in frat house at NMSU when the Lobos were in town visiting.
