If you’re on Tinder there are a few obvious reasons why:

a). You just broke up with your significant other and you’re tying to get laid

wonka
b). You can’t find anything else to watch on Netflix

lazy
c). You’re drunk

oprah
d). You’re looking for a relationship (which you shouldn’t be, if the above 3 things apply to you)
Tinder_Fail

And when it comes to Tinder, there are some clear rules that should be followed at ALL times:

1. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT go to their house on the first
date. Meet in public. Daylight time. Always. Especially if you’re meeting creepers like this:

creepers

  1. Use protection. Even if you think you’re going to marry the guy/girl tomorrow.protection
  2. That location button on your phone? If never before, a Tinder date is the perfect time to use it. You should also at least let 2 friends know of your whereabouts and check in every half hour.AZagGE6

I’ve gone on a few Tinder dates. Some weren’t so bad and a couple I should have really thought through before I took the plunge.

Here’s how they went:

Date #1: I met this guy who was a commercial pilot. I think to myself, damn…attractive, a career, and obviously smart! Not my type at all. Ha! I spend hours getting ready, changing, re-changing, and finally I get ready to leave my house and he shoots me a text saying we should meet at his place, downtown, and drink with a few friends. RED FLAG But, I purposely ignored it, because hello, he’s a pilot. I get to his place with a bottle of wine and he’s already pretty tipsy. Again, don’t care, he’s a pilot. I told him if I drank any amount of alcohol, I’d have to sleep on his couch. (and for the record, on his couch I slept ABQ!) He totally agreed and said it was not a problem. We drank, conversed, laughed…all was great! Or so I thought. We settle down to watch a movie in the living room and I fall asleep. Around 2am, I vaguely hear laughing. I open my eyes and see my handsome, funny, attractive, SCUMBAG tinder date with 2 chicks he picked up from the bar down the street! I fell back asleep, because I was still pretty drunk, and woke up a few hours later…went into his room and stole a hoodie and walked an innocent walk of shame back to my car. Because hey, I DIDN’T sleep with a guy on Tinder and all I got was his hoodie.

Date #2: I invited the guy to MY apartment RED FLAG and he asks to bring a bottle of Vodka. (Probably a RED FLAG) Um, yes, obviously. I may be naïve, but I legit thought we’d make a few mixed drinks, talk, and he’d go home. Uh, no. I make one drink and he’s ready to get frisky. I stop him immediately and he says, “Did I get the signals wrong? I thought that was what this was…” And then it hits me… I’m THAT girl. I apologize and he just quietly gets up, says “Keep the vodka” and leaves. Well… at least I got a free bottle of Vodka out of that date.

Date #3: (And my very last Tinder date might I add) I had been talking to this guy for a few months. Seemed like a genuine saint! Volunteered with children, was going to school to be an EMT, part-time guard… awesome. My best friend was in town at the time and I thought, ‘PERFECT! I’m going to do this the RIGHT way!’ So, I took my pal Tish on my Tinder date with me. (Not necessarily apart of the rules, but ideal if you can swing it!) Guess where we met him? At dark, RED FLAG on top of the Sandias RED FLAG with no cell phone reception RED FREAKING FLAG!!!! Of course, we didn’t think of any of this until we were already at the top and he was on the way. We waited and he showed up…seemed normal and said let’s go down the mountain and go eat… in public. We all agreed on a place and as he’s leaving we notice his license plate…the prefix is “Shh” and we look at each other with scared faces and my best friend pulls her phone out with 9-1-1 dialed “just in case” and we laugh hysterically. I ended up dating the guy for a few months but we split…because he couldn’t handle my new life with ABQ-Live. (RED FLAG, DUH!)

As I pour my sad, pathetic, NOT ACCURATE (anymore) dating lifestyle… I wonder ABQ! What are some of YOUR worst Tinder dates? Submit yours below for a chance to be published in our next article, or maybe even in our next issue of ABQ-Live! You can keep yourself anonymous or tell us your name. Either way, no shame. Guaranteed 90% of your friends have similar stories.

Dating Stories

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